So....
Where to start?
A couple of Saturdays ago we went to visit my cousin Art and his wife Amanda at their apartment Downtown.
It looked like it was going to be a standard hang-out. A little small talk, some good food. Some Wii. Or so we thought. Here is a list of events we thought were odd. It was one of those Saturdays where everything goes suspiciously sour, through no fault of your own.
1. Broken table leg. It all went downhill when Art's patio table broke and fell on my foot. There was no warning, one second I'm eating delicious chips and salsa and the next a table leg falls on my foot causing mild pain. Actually, I misrepresented. There should have been a warning because Amanda has been asking Art to fix that table since they moved here and the lummox hasn't done it.
2. A butt situation. After dinner we went to get gelato at our favorite place since we were so close. The gelato was great. Then we walked around Little Italy, just for fun when we stopped at a Red Mango. Having heard good things Art walks in to get himself a smoothie and the rest of us stay outside because Maggie was with us. As soon as we sat down we noticed through the window of Red Mango, that the man in line in front of Art was going to town on his significant other's butt. Under her jeans. Yes, it was unnerving but like bad weather at a sporting event, you just don't get up and walk away. I mean, after all, you've paid for the tickets.
So we sat there witnessing this in disgust and admiration for this guy's bravado.
3. A worse butt situation. I like to think of this as the piece de resistance of the evening.
Soon after Butt Situation #1 dissolved #2 started. Art had gotten his smoothie, which to add to the evening was gross, and had joined us outside of Red Mango as we sat in chairs people watching. We had just finished discussing the first butt situation when the second arose. With a vengeance.
A strange slapping sound rushed by Red Mango, produced by a man running bare-foot into a parking lot.
Brandon: "Holy cow, was that guy in his underwear?"
Nat: "No, he just had shorts on"
B: "I'm pretty sure it was a dude in his underwear."
N: "Why would a guy be running around in his...."
Slapping sound rushes by once more.
N: "Oh, my gosh, that guy was in his underwear! Weird!"
Art: "What is he doing?"
N: "I think he's just hanging out in his underwear."
The man was wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a green and yellow motif with grey/blue bikini underwear. That seemed a little too big for him. He was running because a group of waiters from different restaurants were chasing him around so as to stop him from disturbing patrons, since there is a lot of outside eating in Little Italy. Whatever his reason for being in his underwear, it did not disturb Underwear Man half as much as the wedgie that he seemed to be concentrating on.
N: "Let's get out of here, I don't necessarily want to see how this turns out."
Amanda: "Yeah, let's go"
Just our luck, Underwear Man was going the same way we were going only across the street. And he was looking behind him to see if the waiters we still chasing him. I'd like to point out that the real victims here were the people eating their dinner because seated, they were at eye-level to the worse part of this adventure. And he was walking by unabashedly proudly strutting.
Art: "Geez, he's really going to town on that wedgie."
B: "Yeah, no kidding."
Art: " He's like Ren and Stimpying it."
It's true, the man was trying to undo his wedgie from the inside out. I could go into more detail but it would be cruel.
Eventually he took a turn and we lost Underwear Man. So that was it. An equally eventful and disturbing Saturday. Oh, and I forgot to mention that on our way to gelato Brandon went the wrong way on a one-way street and we almost hit an oncoming car.
