For those of you who care, my job is going quite well. Wednesday the firm closed early and took all of us, including the Vegas office, to the Del Mar Race Track. We had lunch and were in the middle of the track, watching the horses run around us. It was pretty cool. I bet 4 dollars and only lost 1.60. So good.
Then we come back to work on Thursday and I go get the mail from the mailbox, since I didn't get to it before we had left on Thursday and I get stuck in the stairwell of the building. Here is an account of those harrowing 7 minutes.
Me thinking: I think I'll stretch my legs and take the fire stairs instead of the elevator.
I go into the stairwell and start going down the stairs, then get to the door that opens onto the rest of the first floor and it's locked.
CRAP. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Holy crap. Ok, maybe if I go up the stairs our door might not be locked...CRAP! I cannot be literally stuck in the stairwell...
1 minute...Crappity crap. Holy crap. $#!$&#(@#@$&@)#@#$)((@*#&$@)#($... now what?
2 minutes...Ok, still in the stairwell, cussing does not unlock doors...what to do... I'll yell."HELLO! CAN SOMEONE HEAR ME! I'M STUCK IN THE STAIRWELL!"Oh, c'mon!
3 minutes...Up to the third floor. Make some noise... C'mon! Does no one work here? Back to the first floor, I bet that's the most common floor..."HELLO! I'M STUCK IN HERE!
4 minutes...Why do I not have my cell phone on me? What if I were kidnapped and stuffed into a the trunk of a seedy car? New rule: Always carry phone on person...addendum to new rule: never take the stairs...
5 minutes...This cannot be happening, I am not in the stairwell. The one day I get to work early, I'm actually going to be late. Ok, look for tools in the crawl space to let yourself out...please don't let there be a giant spider...BLURG! Just paint cans, I guess I could use them like how people use fire extinguishers in the movies and bust the lock open...that seems kind of excessive ...wait, what if I take up all the oxygen? What if I die and they find my bones in a few years? Ok, more noise"HELLO! SOMEONE!"
6 minutes..."something, something seems to whisper I love you, dream a little dream of me..." Focus. Let's just sit here until we hear someone pass by. I really don't want a spider to show up...dream a little dream of me...I guess it could be worse. I could: a. be dead. b. have been attacked by a spider. c.have been attacked by wolves. Do wolves eat humans?
7 minutes...This has to be some sort of a lesson. Ok, let's pray. Dear Lord, please let me not die in here, please Heavenly Father, help me figure out a way to get out of here so I can do my job. Help me to stay calm. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. Aha! The fourth floor! Maybe that's unlocked... please, please, please...haha! Thank you Heavenly Father! VICTORY!
It wasn't that long. It was just weird, a feeling of restrained helplessness. I wasn't above using any of those paint cans, but I just didn't want to resort to that if I didn't have to. When I told my boss about it he was really angry because those stairs are the emergency exit in case of a fire, what if this had been a fire? Then I told my supervisor and she said that at least I didn't run into that homeless guy that had decided to set up camp in the third floor of the building before Jeff, an associate at our firm, ran into him after hours and had him kicked out.
Then a guy from the fourth floor comes down and asked, "Is this the firm where the two cars were stolen from the parking lot?"
"I hope not..."
"Let me know if it is."
As I get ready to write the email to everyone asking whether they still have their cars he comes back and says,
"Sorry, false alarm no cars were stolen.."
"Oh, good!"
"...their windows were just bashed in."
::Blink::
To add insult to injury, the front doors at the firm wouldn't lock that night.
All in a weird day's night.
