Sex and Hazards

Well, it’s a girl. Don’t ask me how I feel cuz I don’t know quite yet. It’s not sad or anything, just… something. I’ll figure it out later.

But, speaking of bathrooms, I have a funny story. At least I thought it was funny after I recovered.

I’ve wanted to write a post about the strange hazards of pregnancy - at least my particular hazards. Every woman is different so we’ll see if any of you who have been pregnant relate. Don’t worry the funny story is at the end.

Hazard #1 - Looking like a balloon animal gone very very wrong. This is an obvious hazard but surprisingly unpleasant nonetheless. I’m just not Demi Moore.
Hazard #2 – Strange pains, in places you can’t really pinpoint, that aren’t painful more like annoying (i.e. somewhere between your kidneys and your ribs, but kind of in your lungs and also in your leg…)
Hazard #3 – Leg cramps like you just swam a sprint. Horrible, horrible cramps that wake you up in the middle of the night and make you blurt out incoherent things like, “Argheek!”
Hazard #4 – Sudden dehydration in the shower. Actually general wussyness in the heat is a big one, but being thirsty is like my thing all of a sudden (come to find out, it's because the baby loves to drink the fluid it swims in). Case in point:
One day Brandon was showering and right as he was done I hopped in to shower too, so there was no need for the water to be turned off. Because Brandon had been showering for about 15 minutes our miniscule bathroom looked like a steam room which was fine until I started showering. I was feeling ok up until I started to rinse my hair and all of a sudden I started feeling really, really faint…before you know it, I’m on the floor of the shower yelling, “Brandon! Brandon!”
Brandon walks in saying, “What’s up?” He opens the curtains and finds me on the floor practically twitching like a fumigated cockroach, rasping out, “water…water…so… thirsty…”
Thankfully he rushed me a glass of cold water which saved the day and I was able to successfully finish rinsing my hair. If Brandon hadn’t been there, I’m pretty sure I’d still be on the shower floor.
Hazard #5 - It results in a baby. I know, I got myself into this and we're excited and everything but there is nothing like a kid to remind you of your many, many, inadequacies as a person, let alone a parent. Wish us luck!

Hell's Chicken

If Satan were the kind of individual to cook delicious dinners for people, I imagine this dish would be one of his specialties. It was the hottest thing I’ve cooked in a really long time, possibly ever.
It all started out with me looking up recipes for chicken breast. The chicken breast and I are barely on speaking terms so I wanted something to spice up our relationship and I got way more than I bargained for. I still don’t know if I want to forgive the chicken breast but I will admit this dish turned out specially delicious, if I do say so myself. Once you get past the burning.
Also, warning: DO NOT cook this indoors. This is meant to be a grilling recipe (courtesy of Bobby Flay) and he means it. Please cook the chicken and the tomato jam outside unless you want a scene similar to my own which included: burning eyes, burning sinuses, a comatose dog, foggy vision due to smoke, burning throat, and shortness of breath.
On that note, cut back on the cayenne unless you’re brave and you can also substitute fish. This is not for that faint of stomach, but so so worth it.

Enjoy!

TANDOORI SPICED CHICKEN BREAST WITH GRILLED TOMATO JAM AND HERBED YOGURT SAUCE
Ingredients
• 2 tablespoons onion powder
• 2 tablespoons garlic powder
• 2 tablespoons ground ginger
• 2 tablespoons ground coriander
• 1 tablespoon ground cumin
• 1 tablespoon ground cayenne
• 1 tablespoon ground turmeric
• 1 tablespoon ground white pepper
• 1 tablespoon kosher salt
• 3 (8-ounce) boneless skinless chicken breasts
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 4 pita breads, warmed on the grill
• Tomato Jam , recipe follows
• Herbed Yogurt, recipe follows
Directions
Heat grill to medium-high. Combine all spices and the oil in a medium bowl to make a paste. Rub a thin layer of the spice paste onto 1 side of each chicken breast. Grill for 3 to 4 minutes on each side or until slightly charred and just cooked through. Remove from the grill, let rest 5 minutes, and cut lengthwise into 1/2-inch thick slices. Serve openface on pitas: the chicken slices, a few dollops of Tomato Jam, and a drizzle of Herbed Yogurt.
Grilled Tomato Jam:
• 5 plum tomatoes
• 1 serrano chile
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil, plus more for grilling
• Salt and freshly ground pepper
• 1 small Spanish onion, chopped
• 3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
• Pinch saffron
Heat grill to high. Brush tomatoes and serrano with oil and season with salt and pepper. Grill tomatoes and serrano on all sides until charred. Remove from the grill and coarsely chop.
Heat oil in a medium saucepan on the grates of the grill or on the side burners. Add the onion and cook until soft. Add the tomatoes, serrano, balsamic vinegar, and saffron and cook until thickened. Season with salt and pepper. Transfer to a bowl and let cool to room temperature before serving.
Herbed Yogurt:
• 1 cup Greek yogurt
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh mint leaves
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro leaves
• Salt and freshly ground pepper
Place all ingredients in a food processor and process until smooth. Season with salt and pepper, to taste. Refrigerate if not using immediately.