(This was taken on my birthday in early June. I'm bigger now. Eek!)
If you know someone who is pregnant please refrain from saying/asking the following (at least to her face):
1. "Is that your third helping of salad?!" - Really? You're going to give me crap over eating more salad? So what if it is? The growing human in your abdominal cavity is making it hard for any organs to survive. Less room means a stomach that gets full faster, which means lots of helpings just to get the right amount of nutrition.
More sensitive alternative: "Can you get me another soda while you're up?"
2. "Did you throw up a lot?" - What a weird question, and is it really one you want to know the answer to? I think not. Besides not everyone is deathly ill whilst with child.
More sensitive alternative: "How are you feeling?"
3. "Wow, you're bigger than I was at 6 months." - Thanks/Sorry/Congratulations? What the hell do you say to this? When faced with this comment all I could do was smile in horror - much like that smile you plaster on your face when you've just realized you're talking to a psychopath and you don't want to piss them off as your frantically looking for the nearest exit. My original idea for this post was to complain when people say, "Wow you're so big!" But that comment seems like small potatoes compared to this comment I received over the weekend.
More sensitive alternative: Anything, it really can't get worse than this. Lie if you have to.
4. "Can I touch your belly?" - I appreciate that you asked as opposed to the others that don't even have that common decency, but I'm afraid that answer is still no.
More sensitive alternative: Keep your hands to yourself.
5. "Are you excited?" - Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. Do you really want to hear about how this is an unwanted pregnancy from a druggie father who has ODed and I wish I were dead because my parents kicked me out? No one does.
More sensitive alternative: "I'm really happy for you."
6. "That's nothing! Wait until the baby comes." I realize this is meant to be helpful, but it's really not. What do people expect? That when the baby gets here I'll come crawling to them and say, "Sen-sei, you were right! Impart more of your wisdom on me?" Duh, babies make parents tired. And then what? The world goes on.
More sensitive alternative: "Let me know if I can babysit."
I'm really grateful for these comments that I've come across because they've helped me become more aware of what I say to people. NOT an easy task. Though slightly annoying, they've been a good lesson in humility. Let's see how well I do when encountered with another pregnant person.
7 comments:
Poor Nat. Some people lack some serious thinking skills. Why is it that pregnancy influences people to say dumb and insensitive things? It's as if they don't understand that you are already hyper-emotional and only want people to be supportive instead of intrusive, rude, and judgmental. Seriously...I am not even pregnant and I am feeling for ya. Plus I think you are super cute pregnant. You look GREAT! Love you. Are you coming to Mel's wedding? I have a baby gift for you and want to give it to you then if you are there.
ummm. i love you.
hahahaa AMEN!! That's all I have to say about this!
Well it's true. I was WAY smaller than you at 6 months. Just sayin'.
Oh, and I think it's much easier when the baby comes because you can actually see who you are helping with all of the lack of sleep. I'm totally a fount of wisdom. You're welcome.
aw man! i wanted to touch your belly!
So, I'm not pregnant, but I can totally relate to having to deal with insensitive comments with this whole engagement crap. Example:
-"How sexually frustrated are you guys?"
-"My birth control bills made me gain weight and gave me acne too."
-"She's engaged. Her mind's only on one thing." (Note- I really had no idea what one thing my mind was supposed to be on... the wedding? finding a job post move? fitting in my dress? No, they were tactfully referring to sex. Apparently I'm not supposed to be thinking of anything else.)
I don't know why people think they have a right into our personal lives when we hit life milestones, but I've about had it. Let's make shirts that say "I am pregnant/engaged. I have nothing further to say to you. Goodbye."
Love ya Nat. Can't wait to see you in a couple weeks! (As your future presence at the wedding is one of the only reasons I'm happy Mike and I didn't elope.)
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